Welcome
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: “It is the most important decision you have ever made or will ever make. Your previous life has built up to this moment and your next life depends on it." Susan's story after The Last Battle.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Narnia, or Aslan's country. They are property of C.S. Lewis. Also, some ideas in the second part of the story borrow from C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce".**

* * *

Susan had been miserable these past few days—and who wouldn't have been in her position? She had, after all, just lost her whole family and a good deal of family friends. She hadn't had a _real_ conversation with them in weeks and now they were gone. She felt sad and guilty and angry at the whole situation. Why did they all have to be in the same place at the time of the accident?

It was the day before the funeral when there was a knock on Susan's door. She didn't want to see anyone, but she also didn't want to be rude. Therefore, she opened the door and found an unfamiliar man in a police uniform standing on her doorstep.

"Susan Pevensie?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes," Susan answered stiffly. "May I help you?"

"Ah," the man rubbed his neck uncomfortably. "I work with the police force and was helping to…er…clean up after the train incident the other day…" One could tell he was trying to handle this delicately for her sake.

"Oh," Susan said, not knowing what else to say or really even knowing what this was about.

"Anyway," the man continued, "we've found this in the pocket of one of your relatives…your brother, I should think." He held up a small little box. It was slightly dirty but otherwise unharmed. Susan took it carefully in her hands.

"Do you know which brother?" she asked, not knowing whether the answer really meant anything. Yet she wanted to know.

"The dark-haired one, I believe," the man answered.

"Edmund," Susan muttered. She fingered the box, wondering how it had survived when her brother (and everyone else, for that matter) had not. "Well, thank you. You really didn't need to do that." She glanced at his name badge: Officer Ryder. "Have a nice day, Officer Ryder."

"You're welcome," the man said, offering her a small smile. He hesitated again and then added, "Have a nice day, Susan Pevensie."

Once the door was closed Susan turned her full attention to the box in her hand. She opened it and found two rings inside. They weren't particularly stunning or special looking, but with one glance Susan _knew_ they had something to do with Narnia. Perhaps this had been the reason everyone (except her parents, who happened to be on the same train by mere chance) was meeting up. She closed the box again.

What if the rings could take her to Narnia? Ever since her siblings' deaths she had felt a need to go back in time and tell her past self to stop being so stupid. She wanted to tell her past self to stop telling her siblings that they needed to grow up and Narnia was a game. She had never felt good doing it, but now she felt perfectly horrid.

More than anything, Susan wanted to go back. It had always been a desire of hers, pushed back into a corner until now, and she would never have admitted it to anyone, even, at times, herself. It wasn't that she thought Narnia was a game—she just told her siblings that. What she really didn't believe in anymore was Aslan. She had trusted in Him and He had failed her by not allowing her to return to Narnia. She thought the Lion could never make her hurt, not after all the wonderful things He had done for her and her siblings, but she was wrong, and she stopped believing when she couldn't see how Aslan was present in this world. She felt that He had abandoned her. He was a thing of the past now, a figment of the imagination…and what stopped Narnia from becoming the very same thing?

This was why Susan left the box on the dresser in her room, untouched and unopened. She didn't trust in Aslan and she didn't believe he would deliver her to Narnia. She didn't believe in the rings no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't bring herself to do it; she was afraid to be hurt.

* * *

Years passed and Susan grew up, got married, and had children. Her husband, interestingly enough, was the police officer who delivered the rings to her so long ago. His full name was David Ryder and he was a wonderful man for Susan. He knew what had happened in her past and knew how to comfort her. Her two children, both girls, were very good children. Susan herself had a very good life and yet something was missing.

Even when the children moved out of the house and Susan and David moved to another, smaller house, the box containing the rings stayed on Susan's dresser. They had a special spot there. Susan did not know why she kept them there, but she thought about them nearly every day. They seemed to call to her.

* * *

Tonight Susan sits on her bed and thinks about the rings. Her husband is already asleep. She studies him for a moment, thankful (as she has been many times) for the wonderful family and understanding husband she has been given. These have allowed her to enjoy life even after she thought it would be impossible. It's beautiful, in a way, that she could grow old and be happy with life. Once upon a time she wouldn't have thought that.

Tonight she thinks it, and she has thought it more often because she is old. She has become a grandmother and she has gotten white hair and a wrinkly face. She is not the Susan of the past. She realizes the things she did, the things she cared about were silly. Now she appreciates other things, like family, and who she is, not who others think she should be. It took a train wreck and a helpful husband to make help her figure it out, but she did in the end.

She feels incredibly reminiscent tonight and as a result is thankful as well. She glances at the box on the dresser and frowns. Perhaps she has been looked after all along but….no, she brushes the thought from her mind. Surely He, who broke her heart, would not give her such wonderful things. Yet her conscience pulls at her and makes her second-guess herself, as she has so many times when she tries not to attribute things to Him.

She gets out of bed and finds herself holding the box. She opens it and looks at the rings, which seem to glow a bit in the moonlight. There is one green and one yellow. She fingers one of them absently and frowns. Now her conscience is practically screaming at her. It says, "This is His work and you know it!"

Susan sits on the bed with the rings in hand, now out of the box for the first time. She has a feeling that something has changed and this is what allows her to hold the rings. She feels familiarity as she clutches them in her hand. She looks at her husband again. And then she finally admits what she has been denying for so long.

"Thank you, Aslan," she whisper, knowing that as much as she tries to deny it she still believes in Him, and even as she doesn't trust Him in full she knows He is the reason for her good life. She knows He hears her and she feels suddenly very sad. "I'm sorry." A tear slides down her face. She fancies she feels something caressing her cheek. It feels rather like a velvety, large paw.

She lies down, feeling peaceful now. Saying it aloud has caused her to relax and she finally finds she can go to sleep. After all, everything is so warm and comfortable, and in the distance, just before she drops off, she hears a Lion roar.

Susan opens her eyes to find herself in a very strange place that is certainly not her bedroom. She is surrounded by pools of water all different shapes and sizes, each surrounded by many trees, and again a familiar feeling strikes her. She knows she has heard of this place before. She has had it described to her. What is it?

She notices she doesn't have the rings in her hand anymore and wonders if she dropped them. At the same time a male voice calls out, startling her, "Welcome, Susan!"

Susan whips around and nearly faints in shock. Her younger brother, Edmund, is coming towards her. She hasn't seen him in years other than in pictures. She hasn't heard his voice… "Welcome," he repeats, grinning widely, looking just as Susan last saw him, only better, for some reason. His whole being seems to glow with some sort of inward…joy…that must be uncontainable. His dark eyes sparkle. He is wearing Narnian clothing and a silver crown on his head, looking very much like he did during the Golden Age of Narnia, when he was king. Only his clothes seem much more vibrantly colored and even Edmund himself seems more vibrant. Susan finds it hard to take in.

"Edmund!" she cries, rushing to him and enveloping him in a tight hug, which he gladly returns. "Why, you look just as you did when I last saw you! Before…"

"The accident," Edmund finishes. Susan nods, tears suddenly coming forth and wetting Edmund's tunic. "Yes, I know. And I'm so very glad to see you, Su. I've been looking forward to this moment."

Susan looks up at him and notices his expression is now a little more serious. "Where are we?" she asks. "Am I dreaming?"

"You are not," Edmund says. "You are in the Wood Between the Worlds. I'm sure you've heard of it."

"I have!" Susan says. "We were told about it when we ruled over Narnia!"

"Narnia," Edmund says. "I'm glad you remember it." He gives her a small smile.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry!" Susan says suddenly, thinking of how her brother must remember her. "I was horrid to you all! I just…I was hurt and…I couldn't see Him in our world…but I do now and…"

"Shh," Edmund whispers. "It's quite all right. He heard your apology, you know, as did the rest of us. Of course, I am still glad you've brought up Narnia before I did. It was a reassurance of sorts, you could say." He pulls away from her for a bit and then says, "I _am_ happy to see you." There is a sudden sadness in his eyes, though, and Susan doesn't like it.

"Edmund?" she asks, looking around again, "Where are the others?"

"Ah, they are in Aslan's country," Edmund answers with a small grin. "That is where people go when they die…providing they want it, of course. As you know, when you die you're dead forever, and your life following remains your life…forever."

"Do they know I'm here?" Susan asks, feeling uncomfortable at Edmund's words. She chooses to brush over that subject for now, knowing that he will come back around to it.

Edmund nods. "I was sent to meet you," he explains. "It is for this reason: We have both gotten second chances. Mine was when Aslan was killed in my place." He takes her hand and looks directly into her eyes. "Yours is now."

"Do you mean to say," Susan whispers, "…that I may…may also go to Aslan's country?"

"That is your decision," Edmund answers gravely. "It is the most important decision you have ever made or will ever make. Your previous life has built up to this moment and your next life depends on it."

"Oh," Susan gasps. "I…I want to, Edmund, but I'm not sure…I've spent so many years denying that Aslan was even a reality…how can I live with Him in His country?"

"You want to," Edmund says. "That is a start." Susan stares at the floor for a few seconds, feeling helpless. She feels as though she can't, she feels something keeping her back. Edmund must feel it as well. He puts a hand under her chin and lifts it up so that she is looking into his face. "Tell me, Susan, do you believe in Aslan?"

"I do now," Susan says.

"Do you trust Him?"

"I want to," Susan answers, and here she bursts into tears. "I want to but I'm afraid. I don't know that He won't send me back again…or…or separate us…or…"

"It had to be done," Edmund tells her, "so that you could realize the good He gave you after. We had already found Him in our world. You still needed to. And you did. But Susan, you must realize that He did not mean to break your heart. Everything He did was necessary. We never could have gotten to Aslan's country from Narnia. That was not the way for us. You mistook his not allowing you back into Narnia for something entirely different than what it was. Aslan was opening the door to His country for you. All you've ever needed to do is see it…and you're nearly there."

"Oh, Edmund," Susan cries, "I'm not sure I can…It's so hard to trust Him like this! I shall be trusting Him forever."

"I know," Edmund says. Something flickers in his eyes. "I even trust Him, and it's always been hard for me to trust anyone, let alone trust them with my eternity! If I can, surely you can as well. Think of what I've just told you. Think of all the good that has come of it and will come of it. Aslan kept us safe and you safe all these years. Think of that. Think of everything He's ever done."

"Now that I do," Susan says after a few moments of thinking, "It's all been good. He is a good Lion, after all. That is what Lucy said. Not tame, but good. Unpredictable. It wasn't easy…"

"What is easy about life?" Edmund asks with a laugh.

"True enough," Susan agrees with a laugh of her own. She sighs and considers her brother for a moment. "I trust you, you know, and I would trust you forever. And you've been given a second chance and you trusted Aslan and took it…and became a wonderful, just person. Aslan brought out the best in all of us, especially when we trusted in Him, as we all did during that Golden Age. And now you're telling me I should take my second chance as you took yours and trust Him…"

"I may have hinted at something like that," Edmund says, smiling tentatively.

"And if you and Peter and Lucy and everyone else can trust in Him, and if I trusted in Him once, surely that means I can do so again and it won't hurt. After all, when I completely trusted him, way back during that Golden Age, I had the best time of my life, and no time since has been greater."

"You didn't trust Him as much since," Edmund points out.

"I didn't," Susan agrees. She looks around and knows that she doesn't trust anything else, anyplace else than where her siblings are and where Aslan is. And slowly she realizes that it's only logical to trust Aslan and that she's been perfectly illogical about everything since she was told she could never come back to Narnia. She wonders why she never listened to her siblings when they tried to talk to her before and realizes she could have met this same conclusion a lot earlier if she had. But there is no changing the past, even she knows that. She knows now what she did not know then, partially in thanks to her younger brother and because she has actually taken the time to look back and truly think things out. Now she sees everything with stunning clarity.

"I trust Him," she whispers. "And I am ready. I choose to go with you to Aslan's country."

Edmund takes her hand, grinning. "I am proud of you, dear sister," he tells her, the joy in his voice very apparent. "Now let's get you home." He leads her to the nearest pool and together they stand at its edge. Just before they jump she catches her reflection and is surprised to find she is younger, much younger, in her twenties and dressed the way she might have dressed when she was Queen in Narnia, only the clothes are lighter and freer and feel wonderful. And then they jump in and go down…down…down…

Suddenly Susan finds herself in the gardens of Cair Paravel; only the castle looks so much more beautiful than she's ever seen it look before. All the colors are brighter and fuller than they've ever been and the sounds are richer and everything is just…_more_…and she cannot think of a single bad thing she sees around her. The garden is larger than she remembers and she realizes it seems to contain not a whole world but several. She doesn't know how she sees all these places but she does, from the rest of Narnia to the islands in the eastern seas (including those she has never seen before) to England to strange lands she never knew existed. Everything looks wonderful and it is awhile, though she doesn't know how long, before she stops trying to take everything in (for it is too much to take in) and notices that Edmund is still holding her hand and is also softly calling her name.

Susan turns to him and he is gesturing towards something. Susan looks around and sees everyone she ever knew in Narnia and in England and those she never knew but for some reason she finds she wants to know them. At the head of the group are Peter and Lucy and they rush forward to great her. She tells them she's sorry even as she knows she is forgiven.

"Oh, how I've missed you!" Lucy says to her, hugging her tightly. "I knew you would come! I knew it!"

"She's not lying," Peter adds with a smile. "We all _knew_, though it's hard to explain, because we didn't know at the same time. But we trusted you. And if I haven't told you before, Su, I'm so happy you're here."

Next to greet her are her parents, who hug her and tell her they never even knew about Narnia but have heard wonderful things about Susan from the Narnians. They heard all about her reign alongside her siblings and how she came to be known as the Gentle Queen. And she feels like a small child again as she hugs them and doesn't care. It doesn't feel uncomfortable or foreign but impossibly good. It is something she has needed to feel.

Next is her husband, looking young as he did when they first met all those years ago. Susan is surprised to see him and yet is not. She feels as though she has waited for him and yet also feels as though he has always been right here with her. (Later her siblings would tell her the same thing: they were waiting and yet not waiting at all.) This is her first experience without time and she understands it, even though she never could have before this moment. They kiss and hug and Susan smiles.

Peter then takes her hand and leads her away from the group of people to the One who has been waiting since Susan left Narnia for the last time. Aslan, looking not like a lion but like something greater and more wonderful than anything, is staring back at her, His mouth twitched in something like a smile. Susan kneels before Him and Peter is next to her, his hand firmly on her shoulder.

"My child," Aslan purrs as he caresses Susan's cheek with his paw, "Welcome to my country." Surrounded by those she loves and having just been taken in by Aslan Himself, Susan feels for the first time in her life that she is truly home.


End file.
